What is anxiety and what can you do about it?

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a common emotion, which exists to keep us safe from harm. However for many of us, it is something we experience excessively, which can have a massive effect on our lives. It is a complex problem that I have spent a long time trying to tackle. If you are new to the not-so-wonderful world of anxiety, or just want to know what you can do about it, then read on.

The science.

Acute anxiety is a normal response to dangerous situations. Our bodies release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, preparing you to fight or run away – the fight or flight response. This response was extremely useful back when we had to worry about being attacked by wild animals. It's not so useful now when you're at work or trying to enjoy yourself at a social event.

Anxiety can provoke a range of physical and mental symptoms. Here are just a few.

Physical

• A fast heartbeat or palpitations
• Chest tightness, faster breathing
• Butterflies in your stomach
• Sweating or chills
• Feeling sick
• A panic attack
  
  
  
  

Mental

• Worrying to excess
• Feeling stressed and unable to relax
• Worrying something bad will happen
• Immediately jumping the worst case scenario

What you can do to help.

As a starting point the best thing you can do is to talk about it. It is so common to feel alone but you might be surprised at how many people feel the same way. Talk to friends and family or seek out support online – there are many helpful forums and communities.

Visit your GP, they will be able to tell you what help is available in your area. This might be counselling, or cognitive behavioural therapy which helps you change unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviour. In some cases medication can be helpful but this depends on your individual situation.

Mental health charities can be a brilliant support. 

I have had some excellent counselling provided by Mind, who have branches throughout the country. https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/local-minds/

Anxiety UK is another fantastic charity, offering private therapies at reduced rates and phone services you can call for advice. They have many volunteers working for them that have direct experience of anxiety. https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

Self help is another good starting point, check out the self help section at your local library. It's also worth taking a look at your general lifestyle. Exercise, a healthy diet and a good nights sleep are all a step in the right direction.

Mindfulness meditation is another good option. It enables you to feel more present in your life and be aware of your thoughts and feelings. This can help you put things into perspective and take a step back when you feel overwhelmed.

There are even apps to try on your phone. Check out my previous post on one called Headspace. 

 

http://emeraldembers.blogspot.co.uk/2018/03/top-5-things-you-need-to-know-about.htm

   

Sadly there are no quick fixes – believe me I've looked, but please don't despair if you are struggling. There are people out there who want to help and understand what you are going through. For me, seeking out like minded people has been invaluable to my ongoing recovery, I hope some of these suggestions help you on yours.

Top 5 things you need to know about Headspace

You may have read about the numerous benefits of mindfulness meditation but have no idea of where to start. Using an app such as Headspace can be a great starting point for beginners. App meditation is so convenient, most people always have their phones to hand. The best meditation app I've tried by far is Headspace.

Here are the top 5 things you need to know about Headspace.

1. It was founded by Andy Puddicombe, an ordained Tibetan Buddhist monk. He wanted to make meditation accessible to ordinary people, struggling to cope with the stresses of life.
   
   
2. It's interactive and you can tailor it to your needs. Meditation sessions are often accompanied by animations to help you consolidate what you have learnt. There are many themed guided sessions depending on what area you want to focus on. Some of these include: anxiety, depression, anger, self-esteem, productivity and focus.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. It's great for the time poor. You can use it as much or as little as you like. Most of the main sessions only take between 10-15 minutes. There are also mini meditations to try if you only have a spare minute or two.
    
4. Struggling with motivation? You can use the app to set reminders on your phone.
   
   
5. It's easy to keep track of your progress. The app shows you stats such as the time you have spent meditating and the sessions you have completed.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Headspace makes it really easy to incorporate mindfulness meditation into your life. Why not learn the basics and start the 10 day free trial. Check out www.headspace.com or download the app on Itunes or Google Play.

If you decide Headspace is the app for you, subscription is £9.99 a month or £5.99 a month for an annual subscription. I recommend buying the full version as it is regularly updated and has a lot of content to keep you going.

Be kind to yourself

Just a quick post to say hello.
I've been pondering the concept of being kinder to yourself. It's something so simple yet something I think we can often forget.
If you don't achieve something that you set out to do, it's easy to get caught into a cycle of negativity and self doubt thinking that you're just not good enough. When in fact, you were just doing the best you could in that moment, perhaps it will be easier next time.
I think very few people set out to sabotage their own lives, if you are doing your best then I think that's perfectly fine, and that you shouldn't compare yourself to what other people have, or are achieving.
So the next time you catch yourself berating yourself, stop and think, that's okay I know I'm doing all that I can. Tomorrow is a new day, you can try again, try to move forward.
Which I think brings us nicely into the "Serenity Prayer," something I have always liked and found helpful.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Learning a language

Last year I went on holiday to Tenerife and funnily enough it was travelling here that inspired me to learn a language. We did the stereotypical tourist thing of going on a coach trip. It was to the volcano on the island called Mount Teide, and was a very interesting day.
I was particularly impressed by the tour guide. He could speak english, french, german and italian which is incredible really, I do admire a polyglot. He was rattling off the facts about the mountain in all of these languages like nobodies business; and it made me think if he can speak four languages then surely I can manage to learn one.

I decided I'd like to learn french, as I find the language and culture interesting - it just took my fancy really. Funny that a trip to a spanish island inspired me to speak french but there you go, sorry Spain! I've been learning for a year, and it has been a really fun hobby that I enjoy. I'm nowhere near fluent yet but I'm not giving up.

I do amuse myself though, there's a certain amount of irony to learning a language when you are afraid of talking to people (hello social anxiety) but that just adds to the challenge. If nothing else I have really enjoyed absorbing a bit of the culture, watching french films and tv and listening to french music. I would love to be able to get to the point of being able to read a novel.

I can always start with Le Petit Prince!

Something that surprised me when I started learning was that I know nothing about grammar! It's not something you might immediately think of, but learning a new language helps you to understand your own better. It's also good for the old brain box, with studies showing that it helps to improve memory, multi-tasking and decision making skills.

I would definitely encourage other people to learn a language, it's such a useful skill to have. I recommend checking out https://www.duolingo.com/ it's an amazing free resource with a selection of different languages to learn, you can access it online or as an app. 

I'm thinking a trip to Paris is on the cards, I'll try and be brave and speak to a few locals!

A bientot!

Mental Ilness, where are we going wrong?

Modern life can be stressful. We are living in a time where 1 in 4 british adults suffer from mental illness, and emotional mental disorders are a leading cause of disability worldwide. So where are we going wrong?

Human beings have evolved to be social animals, with these social bonds proving to be highly important and essential to our survival. Much of the world's population now live in over populated cities, but yet more and more people are living alone. Unsurprisingly these conditions are harmful to us and our mental health. After all, many prisoners have said the solitary confinement is akin to torture.

Society also adds to this, with research stating that mental health problems are more prevalent in unequal societies. With problems such as low income, poverty, unemployment, poor housing and low levels of education and the vast gulf between this and the rich getting richer, it certainly gives you pause for thought.

People at the margins of society are finding themselves increasingly isolated.

I think there is a stigma attached to lonliness which is why I think it's important to talk about it, the people affected by these issues are often hidden and don't have a voice.

However there are things we can all do to do help. It is such a vast issue, but even small things such as supporting mental health charities, taking the time out of your day to talk to a vulnerable friend or neighbour, or campaigning towards creating a more fair society are a step in the right direction.
Here are a few charities that may be of some interest:

http://www.mind.org.uk/
http://www.rethink.org/
https://home.38degrees.org.uk/
http://www.sane.org.uk/

Benefits of Mindfulness

For the past few months I've been doing a lot of reading into mindfulness, which is typical me really, do a lot of reading and resarch, but then not so much putting things into practice.
I've bought this very handy little book called Mindfulness on the go, by Padraig Moran, and so far it's been very eye opening. There are so many little moments each day, where you can just stop a moment and focus on what you are doing, or even just take a few breaths. I would reccommend it to any minfulness beginners, as it gives you easy tasks that you can incorporate into your life - no sitting in the lotus position for an hour at a time!



So, what are the main benefits of mindfulness?

It allows you to take a step back from yourself and observe what is going on around you and in your mind, without judgement. Ever been in a bad mood and not really know why? Mindfulness can help you understand yourself better and increase self awareness.

It will probably come as no surprise to you that it can also improve mental wellbeing. Taken from the NHS UK website, "Studies have found that mindfulness programmes, where participants are taught mindfulness practices across a series of weeks, can bring about reductions in stress and improvements in mood." This reduction of stress is also very beneficial to physical health.

It can also reduce pain in chronic pain sufferers, improve memory, creativity and attention span.

All in all it's well worth doing, something that I need to gently remind myself of, without judgement of course! So for this week, I'm going to take a few exercises from my book, and do them each day, easy.

Lack of motivation

It's time for my weekly post, and I'm having a bit of an unmotivated day. Sometimes everything just feels like a lot of effort.

It's something a lot of people struggle with when doing something new - how many people are still keeping up with their new year's resolutions for example?
I think to myself, shall I put in the effort into practicing x, or shall I just go online, it's easy to give up and get that hit of instant gratification.

I think it's about finding what's important to you. It's something so simple, that really makes sense. It might not always be something that you inherently enjoy either. I've been practicing meditation lately, sometimes it can feel like a bit of a chore, but I know it will be really beneficial to me in the long run. I am finding motivation in the will to better myself, and to not just accept this anxiety that has blighted my life for such a long time.

Setbacks can be very useful too. The desire to not repeat past mistakes - use that, and if at the end of it all you don't quite manage it, be kind to yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start, you don't need a new year to make changes!

I'm about to toddle off and do some meditation now, because that's what's important to me.

Stuff they make you do in therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder

Beating a mental health problem aint easy.

If you've ever had exposure therapy for social anxiety then you know how excruciating it can be to do some of these tasks. I'm sure some of it would be enough to make any "normal" person cringe.


Going up to strangers and asking for the time 
It's no big deal they tell you. People do it all of the time, they say. To me I feel like I've been transported back to the 90s, when nobody had phones, it's weird now surely? On balance I'm sure people just think "meh" tell you the time and move on with their day. But still, ugh.
If on the off chance someone asks me the dreaded question, I always have half an eye open for a therapist lurking somewhere in the background..


Going up to someone, asking a question, jumbling your words, on purpose
Hi, know you do, do you know where the lights is?
Is about as cringe inducing as it sounds.


Being filmed whilst having a conversation
Hmm this feels so normal having a camera in my face, so relaxing! If you're anything like me then seeing/hearing yourself on camera is a fairly uncomfortable experience.


Fumbling/ dropping your change when paying for something, on purpose
I guess it can be mildly amusing to turn into some madcap woman, who likes to throw her change about, still, can be awkward. Does anyone actually care all that much? Not really.

Walkies?

Taking a banana for a walk
Pretty self explanatory this one. It's also one I haven't done personally, and don't know if I could! The laughter, the funny looks... shudder. The ultimate shame-attack exercise, props to you if you could do it.





The point of all this being, that it isn't all that bad really, and most of the time people don't give a crap if you do something mildly silly. I think the fear of embarrasment is ingrained into all of us, it's really tough to not care what people think!

So, this week I will challenge myself to do something out of my comfort zone. I also challenge YOU. Just think, what's the worst that could happen?

Trip to London

This week I went on a little trip to London with my boyfried to celebrate our ten-years-since-we-met-iversary.

I always enjoy London, it's a bit of a culture shock, everything is so busy and bustling, but the vibe is great and there's just so much to do. It's fun to whizz around on the tube, even though I always seem to forget what I'm doing each time I go.

First stop was the Natural History Museum.

Dippy

We had a great time exploring, and all for free too. I think my favourite exhibit has to be the Dinosaurs, though there were some pretty interesting, if not a little creepy, specimens in jars too.

Oh hi!

After that we hightailed it down to Camden to check out the market. I even did a bit of bartering, much to my boyfriend's amusement!

All in all we had a great day!

The things people say.

Today I thought I'd have a good old moan about the stuff that gets on my nerves. Sometimes, however nice a person you try and be, other humans just do your head in. I compiled a list!

Top of the list has to be..

People that are just being honest.

You know, those people that will flat out insult you and be offensive, but wait! That's OK because they are being honest, and “telling it how it is.” Just no. Honesty does not give you the propensity to say whatever the hell you like to people.

People that ask, why are you so quiet?

The five little words that every introvert will come to loathe. It's a question that there's no real answer to. Erm, it's just my personality, sorry. Accept me dammit!

People that say, just be yourself!

I know, I know, they're probably just trying to be nice and stuff. It's one of those old chestnuts that people roll out that doesn't really mean anything. I'm always myself. I don't really think about it. Huh?? - Pretty much sums up how I feel about that one.

People that talk excessively in metaphor.

It's either blindly obvious from the start about what they are trying to say – yet you have to sit and listen to the whole elaborate story, or it's just plain confusing and bizarre! Just say what you mean!

People that are always bigging themselves up.

I might be alone on this one, but I feel like we live in a society where people are always bragging. Social media plays a big part in it. If there's something so brilliant about you, then it will shine through, no need to go on about it!

People that don't like cats.

What more can I say? You don't like petting them, and seeing their furry little faces? Eh? Doesn't make sense to me.

Well there you have it, I actually quite enjoyed writing that. Let me know if you feel the same, or if you have any to add to the list!

I'm thinking of setting up a blogging schedule, will try twice a week to start with. That's all for now, tararabit!

Inspiration

Today I thought I'd blog about something positive. When you struggle with your mental health it can be all too easy to get caught up in how tough things are, you lose sight in the good things in life. Those shiny little moments that make you feel happy. They can pop up when you least expect them.

I've spent a lot of time reading blogs lately, and it suddenly inspired me to start mine up again. That's one of the little things in life I love; inspiration. When something just clicks in you and you think, I can do that! Then your mind buzzes around excitedly thinking about what you could achieve.

So here I am having another go. Writing was always something that I enjoyed as a child, but then gradually as I got older I stopped and got distracted. Then I almost forgot how to do it.

There was a good post on Neil Gaiman's blog, someone asked him how to get their thoughts out of their head and onto paper, he replied; “Write the ideas down. If they are going to be stories, try and tell the stories you would like to read. Finish the things you start to write. Do it a lot and you will be a writer. The only way to do it is to do it.”

I think that's pretty good advice - thoughtful, daydreamy people like me tend to forget, just get out of your head and DO it. You only become good at something with practice. So that is my plan.

I would like to become a writer, so to achieve this, I will write. One word after another.

To anyone reading this I hope you can find the little moments in life that make you happy, when something inspires you grab hold of it and take action, because who knows what you could achieve!

Salutations

Psst. Psssst!

Hi..

Well it seems to have been well over a year since I last posted on my blog. Which is a bit of a shame, but also related to my chronic lack of confidence. So here I am, giving it another go!

This is going to be very short and sweet, but I'm trying to decide where to go with the blog. What to write about. That's always a good start isn't it!

You see as a social phobe I'm not out there leading a high octane, activity filled life, so writing about the day I went to Lidl just might not cut it. I could write more about mental health in general, what helps me and so on.

Proper posts will start soon for anybody that's interested!

Thanks Neil!

Well hello!

Thanks to a certain blog post by a certain curly-haired author my blog has seen a lot of page views from across the pond.

So that was pretty amazing, I love the internet!

I've been spending my days finising The Ocean at the End of the Lane, and although it was over too quickly I really enjoyed it. I could really relate to the main character surrounding himself with books as a child; it got me thinking about my own childhood.

I loved reading about the adventures of the Famous Five and their dog Timmy - one of my main ambitions back then was to have an exciting adventure! My ultimate favourite though, was The Chronicles of Narnia. I spent a lot of time trying to get there through the back of my grandparents dusty old wardrobe!

Ocean is a fun read, lots of mystical things going on, oh and cats! What's not to like about pulling up a cat from the ground like a carrot? (Bet that sounds odd if you haven't read it yet, you should).

Ever since going to the signing at Ely, I've been feeling a more inspired to write up a story idea I had. Funnily enough as a child I used to love to write, I did it all of the time, but as I've got older it almost feels like I've forgotten how.

The story is about a man who finds a strange coral crown washed up on the sea shore, and a one-eyed raggedy seagull. I'll post it here when I work up the courage to write it, I know it probably won't be that good as a first attempt but I'll give it a go.

Meeting Neil Gaiman at Ely Cathedral!

Well, I'm back in sunny Stoke-on-trent now after a fun weekend of exploring Cambridge and Gaiman-ing in Ely.

The boyfriend and I stayed in Cambridge Central Travelodge (stay classy), and were very happy to see that there was a Nando's AND a Pizza Hut within metres of the hotel.. yay! We both had a great time exploring Cambridge, it's a really picturesque city. It has a cool vibe; there's loads of nice coffee shops and cafes and people cycle everywhere.. very european.

We also had a stroll around St. John's college - which is basically Hogwarts. Here's a fun fact for you, apparently fellows of the college are the only people outside the Royal Family legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans.. nice!

The swans left long ago..

Next stop was Ely, which I was surprised to find out was actually pronounced eel-y - on account of all of the eel fishing that they did there, makes sense.

We headed on over to Topping and Co book shop, where the very helpful staff gave us our tickets to the signing and informed us that they were expecting around a thousand people to turn up! With a train to catch later on we decided to get in the queue early.

We spent around 2 hours waiting, but it was quite fun to sit and people watch in the sunshine. Got in a bit of reading of Ocean at the End of the Lane too, and was happy to see that there were cats in the story! Before we knew it, it was time to go inside.

Ely cathedral is a beautfiul old building and a great atmosphere for the signing, complete with bats flitting around! Neil came out and answered some questions put to him by the audience, he was really funny and interesting to listen to. Someone asked what he thought about people thinking he was odd, and he said that he sees himself as normal and the rest of the world as odd! He did a reading of Ocean, and his new children's book Fortunately, the Milk and was really good at bringing the stories to life, doing different accents and everything.

Afterwards as we were in the first 100 people we got to meet him pretty quickly. As we were waiting we had to write down our names, and what we wanted our signed dedications to be and I went with "something about cats!"

Was really nervous but Neil was very friendly and made the effort to chat to everyone. Kudos to him as I think he was there pretty late "signing until my hand falls off." I said that I liked cats, so he drew me a "bat-cat" which was pretty awesome!

My boyfriend is a writer, and Neil remembered reading one of his stories on twitter and even shook his hand. We were really chuffed at the end of it all, and it was a brilliant end to our trip.

Back again!

So, I'm going to try and be more regular with my blog posts.. pwomise!

These things just tend to run away from me, but I'm feeling more motivated at the moment. I'm going to be spending my days learning, cbt-ing (cognitive behavioural therapy for the brainwrongs) and trying to get out and do more.

Heading to Cambridge for a couple of days soon as the bf and I are going to a Neil Gaiman book signing at Ely Cathedral, how very grand and exciting! It's going to be his last ever signing tour so we knew we couldn't miss it; I have no idea what we're going to say to him... he must have heard it all before so many times "I love your work LOL"

The curly haired one!

Recently dyed my hair an orangey colour and realised it makes me look a little like Delirium from The Sandman graphic novel, one of my favourite characters of all time. I need to get me a fishie now. Also I don't know why I keep mentioning hair, there's a conversation topic ha.

Will report on how it all goes!

Self improvement

Ohai! Sorry for the lack of updates.. if anyone really cares!

I haven't been feeling so good for the past few weeks, had some minor health niggles so I suppose I haven't been feeling very productive.

I'm starting to tackle my anxiety pretty soon, which is scary but neccessary. It's going to involve going into new situations and doing a lot of new things.. who I am I kidding I am dreading it but I REALLY need to improve, so shuddup brain and get on with it.

Re health niggles, the doctor thinks I have IBS, so that's just great. Looking into modifying my diet as I'm sick of being bloated and generally icky. Think I'm going to have to give up wheat-y bread for a while so looking into rye bread alternatives, probably going to start eating rice cakes and oatcake type of things too. So less of the processed foods and more of the good stuff.. enter Becki the health fiend!


I'm off to argos soon to go and argue with the staff to give me a replacement on my sewing machine, I've only had it for just under a year and it keeps missing stitches and getting jammed. Hopefully all will go smoothly and I can start doing more crafty things and making a bit of dollar.

That's it for now, and in the words of the wulfrunians, tarar-abit!

It's been a while

So.. *looks awkwardly at the ground, I was all like yeah let's start a blog, awesome! Then the internet gets cut off and I can't update said blog.
What happened was we contacted the lovely people at orange internets, to say we would like it to cut off at the end of the month, when we were supposed to be moving to a new provider. So, naturally they decide to cut it off the next day with no warning leaving us with no internet. Well done.

So anyway that all took a while to get sorted; and now regular updates shall commence.


I've been feeling a little melancholy lately, sorting through some old things looking at old photographs; it's funny how time changes you. Been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Was considering going back to uni to do a biology course, I feel a little stuck in a rut and want to achieve more; but there's the whole debt issue, and whether I'll even be able to get a decent job at the end of it.


The other option I was thinking of is veterinary nursing, being around animals makes me happy and people say you should follow your passions in life. I'm leaning towards this option, I just wish I didn't have the anxiety holding me back.

So my goals for now are:

• Job
• Driving lessons
• Voluntary animal work
• Vet nursing

I think it's important to have goals and plans for the future, makes me feel less hopeless when things get me down. That's so cheerful!


Anyway, if anyone ever reads this, I'd be interested to hear what your goals are :)

Bye for now.

Crazy cat lady

Today I thought I'd blog about my favourite furry friends, cats. 

 When I was growing up I didn't have any brothers or sisters but I did have a cat, called Tammy. So in a funny sort of way she was a feline sibling, we got her when I was 8 and we grew up together.
She had a brother called Tim who sadly died quite a few years back.

They were so cute when they were small, and loved to climb absolutely everything. Including the wallpaper. It was so funny walking into the kitchen and seeing this tiny ball of fur clinging on to the wall, almost reaching the ceiling with a perfectly innocent expression!



Tammy died last year at the age of 17, which is good innings for a kitty but I always miss her when I visit home and she's not there to greet me. RIP kitty.






When I moved in with my boyfriend there was a cat shaped hole in my life. We decided that we wouldn't have any pets as we couldn't really afford it. So, naturally 6 months or so later we had a cat; a cat that happened to choose us.

She decided to let herself into the flat in the middle of the night by jumping through the window, giving my boyfriend a bit of a shock!

Raoul

She was a stray from a feral colony on some wasteground, we fed her some chicken bites and a bit of corned beef so I guess she decided it was worth sticking around. She can't have been much more than 6 months old, my boyfriend named her "chairman meow" before we found out she was actually a girl!

She was very wary at first, and liked to sit in the corner and keep an eye on us, she's always been very inquisitive though, and likes to follow us around. Occasionally her mum (who we decided to call Raoul) came to visit but she was a lot more wild, she'd eat the food we put out for her but would never let us get very close.

 So, chairman meow became Tejas - we seem to have a bit of a penchant for odd names, and now she's as friendly and tame as any other cat and has really settled in with us. I can't imagine not having her around now, it's lovely to have a little face waiting to greet you when you get up in the morning - (even when that little face decides to trample all over your face and breathe down your ear when you're half  asleep and would much rather stay in bed).

It's definitley worth putting in the effort with a feral as it's so rewarding when they settle down and start to trust you, so please make sure you neuter your cats as feral colonies are a big problem, especially now during the recession. The PDSA can do it for free if you're on housing benefits, or at least point you in the right direction if not.

Shelters are also overrun with stray and abandoned cats at the moment so please support them and adopt!

Find your local shelter here: http://www.catchat.org/adoption/

My week

Reading - The Two Towers - J.R.R Tolkien.


Watching - Utopia - little gem of a series, first episode was great. Cringed at the scene involving the spoon!














Listening - Absolute radio, the Frank Skinner podcasts are pretty darn funny.


Highlight - Had a nice chilled out valentines day with the bf; in which we watched total recall, ate steak and chips and drank wine.


Bargain - Superdrug brightening hot cloth cleanser was half price at £2.99 so thought I'd treat myself. Used the Liz Earle one years ago but I'm too poor to get it now, this one seems good, smells really nice and comes with a muslin cloth.












 
Future - Looking at volunteering opportunities, would love to find something with animals but might just go to the PDSA charity shop.

Bane of my life and Being Human

Today I thought I'd post a little about the bane of my life: anxiety.

Wanted to put off writing about this but I'll try and share a little. So most people get anxious from time to time.. right?

I get anxious a-helluva-lot. I get anxious about general things, such as getting things done (can be anything from housework to going to the shops) and I get anxious about social things like meeting people, talking to people, basically anything that involves people! What fun!

It manifests itself in an array of different ways, from the lovely sensation of your heart pounding in your chest to the little voice in the back of your head saying "you won't be able to do this, you're a failure."

I'm in the process of trying to get over it, but damn it isn't easy. I've tried so many different things with varying success. I wish I could pop a little pill and be done with it, but from my experience.. pills don't work they just paper over the cracks, in fact never mind that the pills just fall into the cracks and I don't feel any different.

Still I haven't given up hope, there's plenty more things to try and I hope one day anxiety will have less prominence in my life. For now I'm just trying to live in the moment more, I will keep plodding on with life and it's many distractions.


Heavy stuff aside looking forward to watching series 2 of Being Human tonight, first episode was pretty good (if a little cheesy in places).

They revealed the big bad to be the devil, which I was a little bit WUT about, as I thought how can they top that; but turns out it's going to be the last series so that makes sense.

It's a shame as I like the new cast, (there's only so much shrieking Russel Tovey you can put up with)!

I guess the bbc needed the cash so we can all watch more shows like "sun sex and suspicious parents" and "the world's craziest fools."




That's all for now, ta-ta.